Much to my dismay, I’ve retained the song “All that She Wants” by Ace of Base in my head for going on two weeks now. If I don’t consciously keep it within the confines of my head, I am liable to start singing it at random times (in front of my kids, in front of my Bible Study, in front of my pastor). The strange thing is that I haven’t heard this song in years. I think I saw the name in a noraebang a couple weeks ago, and that’s all it took. Apparently I am highly impressionable, which I thought I grew out of, but no. I think I will be a lump of clay for the rest of my life.
In other news, I bought a new toothbrush. Now, I’ve spent my whole life using toothbrushes given to me for free by my dentist’s office…they even say “Rumbaugh Dentistry” on the handle. But…then I thought about it…how do dentists make enough money to buy you those free toothbrushes? I believe this can be explained in a theory I like to call:
The Colgate Correlation Theory
At least in my case, the toothbrushes that my dentist gives away at the end of his consultations are probably the lowest quality toothbrushes on the market. It would probably be better for me to brush my teeth with my finger (which is so gross…that is NEVER a substitute for real brushing people). The bristles have the tenacity of tall weeds, easily stomped upon by any hiking toddler, or in this case, my teeth. It takes approximately 4 uses for my new toothbrush to be rendered aged beyond its years (not to mention a veritable Petri dish of gross mouth bacteria). In my pervasive naivete, I never knew that toothbrushes could offer more than that.
However, this week I made an investment. Instead of buying the cheapest toothbrush in the aisle, I decided to try one of those designer brushes, the ones designated not by size or color, but by an extraneous model number that causes us to hearken back to years past and feel just how far modern technology has taken us.
Yes - I bought the 2080. Made in
After using this brush for only a week, I am astounded. Its shape and stature have been retained. The bristles show no sign of wear. It does not shrink back on the shelf. It stands tall, because it knows it’s making a difference in today’s world, and because the handle is so big it doesn’t quite fit in the toothbrush holder.
So what does this have to do with my dentist’s toothbrushes? Well, call me crazy, but I believe that my dentist gives out crappy toothbrushes for just that reason – they’re crappy. Low-quality. Glorified toothpicks. Why give your customers cheap toothbrushes? So their teeth will rot in their head, and back back back they’ll come to get more hardware in their mouth just so they can chew their Cocoa Puffs without crying. So, next time your dentist offers you a free piece of dental equipment, think twice about accepting it. It may prove to be your undoing.
Perhaps that’s enough theorizing for now. Go out and buy yourself a nice toothbrush, would ya?
3 comments:
Ok, in defense of the dental industry (my mom is a dental hygienist, remember), I must say that there is a lot of debate about whether it's better to have a stiff-brustled brush or a soft-bristled one. People generally like the stiff ones better because they can "feel" them working and they retain their shape and therefore look better, but the soft-bristled ones are no less effective against placque and are a lot gentler and consequently healthier for your gums. My mom's personal opinion is that it doesn't matter much as long as you are brushing with something.
I'm a little embarrassed that I can expound so much about toothbrushes. If you ever want to discuss the virtues of waxed vs. unwaxed dental floss, let me know!
Oh! I always use the free toothbrushes from the dentist too - I can't bear to buy a toothbrush, they feel so expensive. When I really think about it though, they're really cheap! I'll definitely consider your recommendation - now I just need to find a place that sells super duper awesome toothbrushes!
I can't believe you have enough free time to think that indepthly (yes, indepthly is a word!) about teeth and the different kinds of toothbrushes!
Your mental energy astounds me!
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