The achievement...of a lifetime.

Today, I conquered Mt. Nostalgia.

What is Mt. Nostalgia, you ask? Well, it is the aptly named teetering towering mountain of crap accumulated from various move-outs (college, DC, Korea) that made its large and in charge presence known to anyone foolish enough to set foot in my room.

When my mom went in my room yesterday, she screamed. Literally - screamed.

You see, Mt. Nostalgia was growing so tall, mostly from debris accumulation (ie. I kept throwing stuff on it) that parts of the exterior were starting to sheer off in giant erosive landslides. Fearing yet another disastrous avalanche, this afternoon I decided that it was time to conquer the beast.

Now, most people (I'm talking about women here - when's the last time you saw a man sorting anything?), when faced with the task of sorting through items of sentimental value, will get about a quarter of the way into the sorting process only to get swept up in the sweet, sweet memories of years and times gone by.

This reminiscing is DISASTROUS to the sorting process and will not only lead to a decrease in sorting efficiency, an increase in time spent, but ultimately it could derail the sorting process altogether, because she decides that 'memories are too precious to just throw away' so back in the closet go the wedding programs, the heartfelt cards from people she hasn't talked to in 21 years and the stub from the first movie a boy took her to.

I, however, think these women are crazy.

With a few exceptions, I take ruthless pleasure in discarding mementos of my past. Now, please - don't get me wrong. If you have been one of the people who sent me a card or made me a handmade woven potholder featuring a picture of you and me holding hands, I want to say that I do, indeed, treasure these artifacts. I sincerely do. Thank you so much for giving them to me, and when I read them or gazed upon them I truly felt loved, and they may have even brought a tear to my eye. And I'm sure I re-experienced that emotion today when I re-read or re-gazed upon your gift right before I re-cycled it with the rest of the paper products in my closet.

Its just that I hate - I HATE - being weighed down by things. I like my possessions to constantly be whittled down so that if I needed to flee the country in 24 hours, I could. Call me crazy, but this thought enters my mind many times as I drift off to sleep: "Could I pack everything I own into 3 suitcases?" "What would I leave behind?" "Did I leave my hair straightener on?" "Do I even need a hair straightener?" "What if I had to leave but it was still hot?"

So that's why I throw your stuff away. I'm really sorry. I don't throw everything away - I usually keep one card or note (the most poignant and touching, of course) from each of my friends as to have physical proof of your love for me. These help on the lonely days.

So, in conclusion, you guys are the best. And please don't refrain from telling me how you truly feel about me in card or letter form. I promise I will treasure your words, just as long as they're more touching and/or poignant than the other card I have from you, which will be dis"card"ed immediately upon receiving the new one.

Saranghaeyo~ <3 <3 <3

PS. I included a picture because a couple great bloggers once told me that my blogs tend to have a lot of "words" and that people tend to enjoy blogs with pictures as to keep their visual interest...so I hope you enjoy my selection.

PPS. I think writing satire is quite possibly my favorite thing to do...

Home

I have been home for 16 days now.

And now I will tell you why being at home is AWESOME.

1) There are people here who STILL REMEMBER ME!!! (Praise God!). It may seem silly and irrational, but in my worst moments I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to maintain a friendship with me - I literally came back expecting to re-connect with about 4 people. I have been floored at the awesome talks and lunches and coffee chats I've had with friends since I've been back. God has been very generous in giving me so many meaningful friendships...I could talk with you guys for days!

2) My family has been WONDERFUL in allowing me time to decompress and readjust to my surroundings. And they've all been so patient when I slide into my "Well, in Korea" this and that, and even though they don't understand fully what it was like, they humor me by listening to my strange and foreign tales of the Orient. I was very worried that I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing my experiences with people because the second I mentioned something they couldn't relate to, their eyes would glaze over and I'd be left feeling stupid I'd brought it up. That hasn't happened at all (Praise God!).

3) We have a stocked pantry, so I have been fully able to exercise my culinary freedom! So far I have made oatmeal butterscotch cookies, steak and bleu cheese salad (with fresh tomatoes and basil from the garden), and Korean sigumchi namul (wilted spinach with sesame seeds), amongst other things. I also went to the Oriental supermarket to buy chunky juice and made my family try it. It tasted like sweet subway memories...

4) I HAVE SHOPPED SO MUCH!!!! Hilary warned me of this phenomenon...but after not being able to shop for 14 months, what's a girl to do? Plus, its good for the economy, so...you can thank me later.

5) I have never appreciated this before (maybe I'm dense), but Indiana is beautiful in the fall. Yeah yeah I know the billboards, the strip malls, the suburban sprawl...complain all you want. The Indiana I see is full of trees that explode with color, pumpkin stands along the side of the road, the smell of bales of straw and bonfires in the country and the crunching sound of me tossing my cousins into piles of freshly-raked leaves.

6) Two words: Taco Bell.

And I could go on and on...brevity is not my forte, you know. But I shall stop here.

Who knows how long I'll be here. But that's a statement all of us can make. No matter how firmly we plant our feet in this world, our existence here is temporary. No matter how closely we cling to people, to places, to traditions - they will all disintigrate as dust in our hands.

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

~ 1 John 2:15-17

I'm afraid of tricking myself into thinking I don't need God.

I'm afraid I will cause Him to manifest (in my mind) into a "conceptual" deity, rather than the fully real and honest Presence I experienced in Seoul.

I want my journey to be experiential, not just intellectual or emotional.

I don't want to get stuck in the mud of complacency.

So...I love being home. And its good for me to be here now. But I must keep my eyes on my real home. And I must not refuse Him who is speaking.

The Long Road Home

After a year in Korea and 6 weeks traveling the world, I am officially packed and ready to go home.

Feels weird, but good. I am ready.

I'll post my Bali and Lombok pics when I get home - I had a great, relaxing time! If only every day could be filled with beautiful snorkeling, picturesque sunsets and dinners on the beach...

But I'd trade 'em in any day for a trip home.

So here I come! See y'all when I get there :)

Nothin like a Straddie Vacay

Yikes - it's been a few days since the last update! That's because I spent the last 3 days here:

~North Gorge at North Stradbroke Island, Australia~

And their internet cost $8 an hour! But the good news is that the beaches were FREE!

After getting back from the Gold Coast, I had noticed a blurb about an island just across the bay from Brisbane that was remote, peaceful and beautiful - North Stradbroke Island - so we decided to try it out for a few days. They had a lovely backpackers hostel called Manta Lodge where we stayed with in the good company of a few locals and a kind Canadian named Paul who ran the place.

~Our lovely accomodation - YHA Manta Lodge at North Stradbroke Island, Australia~

The hostel also featured a dive shop (as seen in the picture above) where you can take day trip to snorkel or scuba dive around the island. Usually the waters around the island are host to some exciting species of fish and marine life, such as sea turtles, manta rays and grey nurse sharks. Also in the early spring, you can see dolphins and humpback whales as they make their annual migration from Antarctica to warmer waters.

~Manta ray & diver~

North Stradbroke Island - or 'Straddie', as the locals call it - is host to several unspoiled, fairly deserted beaches that look like something out of a pirate movie. The waters are crystal clear and the waves are HUGE! We went swimming Friday afternoon and it was exhausting just keeping up with the waves pounding the snot out of you every few seconds. We were in water up to our waists and the incoming waves towered well over our heads!

~Surfer at Cylinder Beach~

After we got back from the beach, Paul told us about a surfer who had been surfing over at Main Beach around the same time we were swimming at Cylinder Beach (about 2 km apart). The surfer noticed a shark tailing him, so he went in and told the lifeguards, who hopped on their jetskis to chase the shark away. Apparently, the shark came back later and made himself known to the surfers, so they had to close the beach. Paul said the unusual thing about the shark was it was much more aggressive than the usual sharks around the area - and that it was much larger too. The lifeguards speculated it was either a tiger shark or a great white - neither of which are common in the area, except during the month of the whale migration.

~Main Beach at North Stradbroke Island, Australia~

I'm just glad I heard about it after I had been swimming...I wouldn't have gotten NEAR that water if I'd heard about it before!

Now we're centered in Brisbane city for a few days. I head off to Bali on Wednesday morning, and there will be no updates from Indonesia through the rest of my trip because there's only sporadic internet on the islands. Maybe I'll sneak one update in somewhere, or maybe at one of the many airports (Bali, Taipei, San Francisco or Detroit!) I'll be traveling through on my way home.

Until next time, cheers mate!

Summer again!

Hey y'all -

We arrived in Brisbane yesterday morning, and in a spontaneous move decided that we didn't want to really be in Brisbane - we'd rather be at the BEACH! So right now, and for the next few days, we are stationed at Surfer's Paradise (that's the town's actual name) right in the middle of Australia's famed Gold Coast, where the beaches are extensive and the sand is white as snow.

The weather has been perfect so far, and we're looking forward to a few days of sitting in the sand and playing in the waves.

I don't have time to leave an extensive report, but hopefully I will later on this week. Before I forget though, I'll give you the answer to last week's puzzler. The question was:

"What does the following phrase mean in Aussie English: I've chucked a sickie and I've got my budgie smugglers, now I'm ready to hang ten, mate!"

The equivalent phrase is:

"I've called in sick to work ('chucked a sickie') and I have my Speedo ('budgie smugglers' eeeeeewwwwwww), now I'm ready to go surfing (hang ten), my good friend (mate)."

Thanks to all of you who played along :) Until next time!

American

Lately, this fact has come to my attention:

I am an American.

As obvious as this statement sounds, it has only been brought to my attention in the last year or so. Before then, it didn't matter. When I was at Purdue, in a group I identified myself by what I studied. And then in DC, I identified myself with where I went to college. And then in Korea (amongst friends), it was by my home state. Amongst my colleagues and students, it was by saying I was from "near Chicago" (because they had no idea where Indiana was). And finally here, circling the globe amidst travellers from every corner of the world, I have simply become "American".

This makes me uneasy. Am I proud to be American? I'm still figuring it out.

I would venture to say that almost everyone in the world (who has access to the global news) cares about America. They care about the President. They care about the election. They care about the war. I can't escape it. The mere mention of my nationality brings up heated debates among people who haven't lived there, can't vote and generally have no voice to be heard in the situation.

And I'm expected to defend my country and my people. My label is "American", and it represents something that 95% of the world either disagrees with or finds fault with. Some of the time, I agree with their complaints. Some of the time I laugh it off. After all, there's not much I can do but listen to them.

But I can't seem to find the line between between loving my country and loving "being American". Other citizens can love their countries; if an Italian man is proud to be Italian and defends such a right, he is patriotic, perhaps even noble. If an American is proud to be as such and defends America, many times he ends up looking like a jerk.

I love my rights. I love my freedoms. I love my opportunities and my big, American dreams. I love that literally, anything is possible. I love that I belong somewhere. I love that I have a home. I love that there are people who stand beside me and defend me. I love that I have a voice and that I am heard.

And I appreciate the people I meet and the people I call friends who have grace for America and its sons and daughters.

So, after all of this processing, I still don't know if I'm proud to represent all that America stands for.

But I am certainly not ashamed to call myself "an American".

Down Undah

So far we've spent 3 days in Sydney, and its been a whirlwind. I literally cannot believe how fast this vacation has gone! Next Monday marks the halfway point, and by then we'll already be in Brisbane!

Australia is not what I expected it to be. Granted, my expectations were along the lines of Crocodile Hunter meets Crocodile Dundee meets kangaroos and wallabies. There are much fewer crocs in Sydney than I had anticipated :)

On one hand, being in Sydney is really like being in any other city. There are lots of people (LOTS of non-natives here), big buildings and touristy things. However, Sydney is impressively green. There are SO MANY parks and a HUMUNGOUS Botanical Gardens area. It makes walking through the city a relaxing experience. Not to mention such impressive sights as the Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge.

Another thing I've noticed that sets Sydney apart is that these people LOVE to exercise. All the time. Day and night. I tried to count the runners I saw when I was walking through the park to get downtown today and I stopped at 150 after walking about 20 minutes. People also kickbox in the park and bike everywhere. I was (and still am) highly impressed with their disciplined regimens, however, I often wonder to myself:

"Do these people ever work?"

Yes, of course they work. At least I'm pretty sure...

And now, a short Aussie vocabulary quiz:

Take a guess at what the following Aussie phrase refers to. NO CHEATING! (No cunning either, for all you Koreanites)

"I've chucked a sickie and I've got my budgie smugglers, now I'm ready to hang ten, mate!"

I'll post the answer when I get 5 guesses. If you guess right, I'll buy you a wombat. Or a boomerang. Or some budgie smugglers.

Cheers, mate!

The Christ in Christchurch

Today was our last day in Christchurch; tomorrow we'll be leaving (at 4:15 AM - YIKES) to fly to Sydney. We'll be spending a week there, and then we're off to Brisbane. JCrew and I used to sing "The Prayer" by Josh Groban and Charlotte Church in the noraebang in Seoul, so I've got some good experience under my belt. I hope it wows the people at the Sydney Opera House :)

Today was (and still is) Sunday. Its the first Sunday we've had on this trip where we've actually been able to attend church. We did some research and found an evangelical-ish church in the center of the city. The message was interesting (I'm still chewing on it) and the church seemed really community-focused. Overall I think it was a good experience, though it reminded me that church is about community, family - and I'm still missing my Seoul church family.

More than wanting to hear a moving speech, more than wanting to sing good songs, I want to worship amongst people I hold dear. I want to surround myself with family and with one voice worship the Creator. So the service today didn't exactly fill what I expected it to. As it turns out, the empty "church" slot in my week yearns to be filled with people, not a place.

After church, I walked to the grocery store to buy food to cook with tonight. As I passed the main square I saw a man holding a sign. The sign was ranting about the church and about Christians and next to him on the ground was a Bible. He was encouraging passers-by to literally stomp on the Bible. And there was a group of about 4 teenage girls around him who seemed all the happier to oblige.

As I walked past the scene, I was surprised to find that I wasn't angry. Granted, what they were doing was quite offensive, but my reaction was not anger. I wasn't stirred with a "How dare they!" attitude. I was surprised to find myself quite sad for them.

If I took a copy of "Green Eggs and Ham" and stomped on it, I don't think Dr. Seuss would give a hoot. Even if I wrote a book, which someday I hope to do, and someone spat on it, ripped it to shreds, poured gasoline on it and lit it, I don't even think I would be that upset. This is because their action cannot destroy my work, just as my proposed offense could not destroy Dr. Seuss by simply destroying his words on paper.

I thought of the verse: "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." - Hebrews 4:12

The Word of God is. It has been for thousands of years. If I write the word "Hello" on a piece of paper and you rip it up, the word "hello" still exists. I was (and still am quite frankly) perplexed of the motives of the whole incident.

And that's what brought the sadness, wondering what they've experienced in their lives to make them so determined to spite God and all the believers who witnessed their act. Is their anger against Christians? Probably. Our seemingly "hypocritical" natures often deserve that. Is their anger against the Church? Maybe. Against parents who pushed their beliefs onto them? Or is it against their own feelings of guilt that come as a result of their rebellion?

What a heart-breaking sight.

And while the pages crumple and tear, the azure blue sky simply exists, and brings more glory to God that they could ever take away.

Kaikoura musings

Hello!

We have successfully navigated our way down the east coast of New Zealand and have arrived in Kaikoura, a beautiful beachside town about halfway down the south island. I can't help but imagine how much more beautiful this place is in the summertime - its cold (about 50) and rainy today and the sea is still strikingly aqua in color and stunning to gaze at from inside our nicely heated backpackers' residence.

Kaikoura is typically known for its seal colonies and whale watching tours. For awhile this morning there was a seal perched on a rock not too far from the front window of the kitchen. As Trevor bundled up in preparation to go capture this cute pup on film, he promptly swam away (the seal, not Trevor). Perhaps he had a lunch date.

In addition to seals and whales, there are large numbers of dusky dolphins and a variety of birds here as well. Though Kaikoura is, in numbers, so much smaller than Seoul or any other place I've lived in, I can't help but feel that it is so much more alive. I can't explain it, but there is a harmony here that resonates into a soft, peaceful atmosphere. I'm reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis, and at one point he says:

If you take nature as a teacher she will teach you exactly the lessons you had already decided to learn; this is only another way of saying that nature does not teach. The tendency to take her as a teacher is obviously very easily grafted on to the experience we call ‘love of nature’. But it is only a graft. While we are actually subjected to them, the ‘moods’ and ‘spirits’ of nature point no morals. Overwhelming gaiety, insupportable grandeur, somber desolation are flung at you. Make what you can of them, if you must make at all. The only imperative that nature utters is, “Look. Listen. Attend.”

There is comfort existing in a place that says to you, "I am bigger than you. I have existed longer than you. And I will continue to exist even after you have gone."

Kia Ora!

'Allo from New Zealand, mate!

We are currently in Wellington, NZ. We flew into Auckland last week, and from there made our way to Rotorua (the Maori cultural center/geothermal hub of NZ) where we spent a couple days, and then yesterday we hopped on a bus and cruised 7 hours south to Wellington, a pleasant harbor-side city full of history and fun free things to do!

Some of the most impressive things so far:

1) Waiheke Island (Auckland, NZ) - Stonyridge Winery

~Leaving Auckland by high-speed ferry for a day trip to Waiheke Island~

~A view of the vineyard - this is the greenest place I've ever seen!~

~Unfortunately, August in NZ is winter...so there were no grapes :( ~

2) Wai-O-Tapu Geothermal Zone (Taupo, NZ)

~This area is the most active geothermal zone on the planet~


~The flora of this area was so unique, due to the generally inhospitable environment produced by the mineral-rich geothermal pools~


~All of these pools were near boiling temperature - and brightly colored due to the various mineral deposits present~

We're currently in the process of exploring Wellington City; today we visited the Botanical Gardens and the world-famous Te Papa Museum, an AWESOME interactive museum covering everything from the driving geological forces behind the formation of New Zealand to the rich cultural history of the indigenous Maori tribes that once lived an isolated life on these remote islands. We learned so much today!

So far Wellington is my favorite place we've visited. Its got a blend of visible, preserved history and a modern attitude, where the people are friendly and there are lots of places to explore.

We're slated to take a ferry on Thursday morning to the South Island, where we'll finish our trek through NZ with stops in Kaikoura and Christchurch before heading to Sydney on the 8th. In Auckland, the temps hovered in the 55-65 range during the day, and about 50 at night. As we head farther south, it gets colder and colder! Right now its about 45 outside and its 8:30 PM. By the time we get to Christchurch, it'll be even colder...quite the shock coming from a Seoul summer to a New Zealand winter in only 12 hours!

Please pray for our safety and our relationships with each other - so far we're having a blast! 1 week down, 5 to go!

Kiwi Travels

We officially made it to Auckland bright and early this morning! Its about 60 degrees here...quite the change from Seoul summer weather. So far I've noticed some differences:

1) People here dress normally
2) People here are uber-friendly
3) People here speak English (PTL!)
4) People here eat a lot of Kebabs (there are Kebab restaurants EVERYWHERE)
5) Though bigger than Koreans, people here are generally still smaller than North Americans
6) People here don't stare at me

Also in the Incheon Airport as we were getting ready to leave Seoul, we saw:

1) Japanese Olympic Sumo Wrestling Team
2) The one - the only - BOBBY KNIGHT (probably coming back from the Olympics...he was carrying golf clubs with his buddies); I wanted to ask for a picture but there were a lot of chairs in the vicinity and I was fearful

So far, so good here in NZ. We'll be traveling around here until the 8th of September, when we fly to Sydney.

Before I close, I would like to mention that our Backpackers Hostel is smack dab in the middle of the "Korean" district of downtown and that this Internet Cafe is also a Noraebang. Oh Korea - I tried to escape you, and yet you follow me even here.

Hope all is well - miss you guys!

Oh what a year...

I'll be leaving Korea on Tuesday! I can't believe as of Sunday I've been here for a WHOLE YEAR! How did I survive?

ONLY (and I mean ONLY) by the GRACE of my LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST.

This experience wouldn't make sense any other way...and it would be completely devoid of the life-altering meaning that it now carries. This year wasn't a job, it wasn't a trip and it CERTAINLY wasn't a vacation (haha).

It was a MISSION.

Korea refuses to leave you unchanged; it demands adaptation, perseverance, flexibility and humility. I feel so different than when I started. As much as I came to carve out a life for myself here in the big city, it was God who carved me into someone who is more me than I've ever been.

Whereas I used to brace myself, panic-stricken, in the back of the cab for the inevitable result of my driver's seeming "recklessness", I now shout at him "Ajoshi! Ka juseyo! Bali bali!" which means "Old man (polite term)! Drive! Hurry hurry!"

Whereas I used to go white with fear at the mere prospect of having to communicate with someone who most certainly didn't speak English, I now understand that, just like spiders, they're probably just as scared of me as I am of them. And I realized that a little humility goes a long way.

Whereas I used to turn up my nose at the mere idea of "fermented cabbage", I now eat kimchi like its going out of style, and seriously fear for my digestive system's health without it.

Whereas I used to "know" that God was with me, I have spent the last year learning that He is always there.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~ James 1:2-4

To my new Seoul family, to my church, to my students, to my fellow teachers and co-workers, to those who have helped me, encouraged me, taught me, corrected me, loved me -

I will miss you so much. I love you and I'll see you again, perhaps in more beautiful world than this one.

To Korea -

Kamsa hamnida ^.^ Jeonun chamchi kimbap eol joa hamnida. Mashi sseumnida.

Another great spa experience!

Last week I redeemed my birthday present from Rach (a gift certificate to a spa in Itaewon). I couldn't decide between a massage and a pedicure...so I wound up splitting the difference and getting a foot massage. This experience was interesting, ranking on the interesting scale somewhere between the acupuncture incident and the Hong Kong acupressure massage incident.

First of all, I don't know what to think during a massage. I cannot shake the feeling that this experience is, in fact, weird. I mean, I just met this person. Don't know their name, where they're from, if they're licensed, if they've ever spent time in the clink, nothing.

And if the weirdness isn't enough, I feel uber-pretentious the whole time. Like "I have enough money to pay someone to rub my feet" which to me no amount of money should justify rubbing someone's stinky smelly feet (not that mine are like that...mine are quite nice actually). I just want to apologize the whole time.

So on this particular occasion, the foot massage seemed like a good idea. That is, until I remembered that I am quite ticklish. But of course by that point, it was far too late to do anything about it. On top of that, it HURTS when someone presses on the bottom of your foot! I literally spent an hour trying to stifle the laughter/screaming that was trying to shimmy its way from my brain out my mouth.

For the record, I have never, ever walked out of a massage thinking "Wow - that was so relaxing!" I usually walk out limping and whimpering like an injured animal. Geez - last week my wrists were stabbed repeatedly with needles and it didn't hurt half as much as that.

Also got my travel shots a few days ago - Typhoid and HepA. HepA made my tongue go numb and Typhoid made every muscle in my body feel like I got run over by a bus. The doctor suggested I get malaria pills but I told him that a few years ago I got bitten by a spider and felt this tingling powerful feeling and since then I've kind of felt...superhuman...so I didn't think malaria would be a problem. Actually I've just heard terrible things about them, and I've done research and I don't think I need them. Please pray I don't get malaria.

Leaving Korea in 11 days, God-willing! CRAZY!!

Flying Seoul-o

I am so proud of myself that I thought of that clever title. As of late, my English is disappearing faster than the Statue of Liberty on a David Copperfield prime-time special. My friend Jung-mi says that Korea brain-damaged me. Other people are starting to notice. I gotta get outta here!!!

I'm in my 2nd week (of 3 total) of vacation. Except for a few days scattered throughout the year, this has been my only real down time. It's nice to have most of my days free. People have been leaving sporadically, and now I'm down to a few precious friends on my speed-dial. Hil is gone, the Crews are gone, Jen and Jeff are gone to Mongolia, Becky, Vanessa, Ali, Will, Ruda moved to Ilsan (so he's basically left the country), and Katrina and Rach were in Hong Kong this week (they're actually stuck in Macau right now...prayer for their safe return before their visas expire on Monday would be greatly appreciated).

My life is like a reality show where one of my friends gets voted off every couple days.

I've had some good times of prayer as of late. I think God is teaching me how to pray...I used to be all intellectual about it. Now that my big words and intellect have taken a holiday, I can't hide behind them anymore.

Something else I discovered is praying out loud. I've always been a proponent of verbalizing thoughts...in your head everything is so nebulous and hard to pin down. Something I learned in DC this summer was how to journal my "self-talk" in moments of anger or pain. If you've never done this, I encourage you to. "Core lies" you believe about yourself will manifest themselves onto the piece of paper where they're much more easily dealt with than when they're swimming around willy-nilly in your head. Don't knock it til you've tried it!

Currently reading "The Reason for God" by Tim Keller. Excellent read.

Gonna continue cleaning/packing/pulling my hair out now! :)

Dinner

-Whole grain crackers with peanuts and toasted sesame seeds-

-Peach yogurt-

-Special K Red Berries-

-Soy milk-

-Toasted seaweed-

This might be the greatest meal ever...only thing missing is kimchi.

Typing at last!

So I am lazy. BUT there is another reason for my recent negligence in updating my blog and or contacting/replying to emails. In short, my duh-duh-duh-Dell is on its last leg. The top row of keys mysteriously stopped working around the middle of July and have failed to revive themselves. This leaves me without crucial letters, and though I tried copying and pasting, that will erode your sanity over time.

So finally today I just went out and bought an external keyboard. It was only 10,000 won (approx. $10) and it has all the Korean letters on the keys as well as English, so its definitely unique. Maybe it'll help me remember how to read Hanguel (Korean writing). Prooooobably not though.

I've been teaching at an English camp for two weeks now and its been a blast. I'm teaching at a neighboring school, and it hosts kids from 5 different elementary schools in our area. So, I've gotten to know a lot of new kids and gotten to spend some extra quality time with the kids from my school I taught all year. One of my favorite kids calls himself "genius", though he spelled it wrong on his camp application, so his English name tag says "Jenius". Oh the irony. He's a cutie.

Today we took them to Seoul Land, which is an amusement park south of the city. Seoul Land reminded a lot of Fun Spot Amusement Park and Zoo back in Angola, IN...though maybe slightly bigger, a lot safer, and WAY more hyperactive children. The kids got to ride the rides for a couple hours, we went on a 3D movie adventure ride where there were 3D butterflies, asteroids, and sharks (during the shark part I screamed like a girl and hid behind Heejin, one of my 5th grade students). In 3D, there is nowhere to run. Or swim.

I ate lunch with my coteachers - they're all terrific people. I've had limited meaningful interactions with Koreans because my school is nearly devoid of English-speakers (though you quickly find out that a lot can be said through warm gestures and smiling...my nickname at school was "Miss Smile", or "Mee-suh Suh-mah-eel" as they would say). At this camp, there are some wonderful people I can actually communicate with. We were all lamenting today about the fact that I'm leaving and we won't have enough time to get to know each other better.

God is changing my heart regarding how I feel about Koreans. Granted, there are still things at the societal level that really bug me, but when you look at just one Korean, instead of the whole mass of them, you get a much clearer picture. On the whole I'm very glad to be going home, but there are very specific things I will miss, including the chance to invest more time into these women.

In other news, Hil and the Crews are leaving in 2 days. Hil will be taking her month-long vacation in America before returning to Korea on the 23rd of August. I'm leaving the 26th (tentatively - the school system I work for...yeah...we'll leave it at that) so I'll see her before I leave. The Crews however, will not be back until September, so I must say goodbye to 2 people who mean a lot to me on Saturday. This is an excerpt from a blog I wrote back last August:

"Yesterday I went to church and it was really neat to worship in a different country. We went to an English speaking service and the worship was so...genuine. Everyone seemed so sincere. It was a breath of fresh air. Hil and I decided we want to start a Bible study, and there are a fair amount of other Christians here, so we might meet up with them. There's one really nice couple, Nate and Jessica, who seem really interested."

God is so amazing. What I didn't know then was that this mere idea of starting something to fill our spiritual needs would grow and grow into a community of believers learning to lean on the faithfulness of God together as one body, in the midst of struggling to survive in a foreign nation. We started with 6; we've ended up with 20+, with about an equal number who have moved on throughout the year. We never asked or claimed to be shepherds, but nonetheless the sheep started coming. And the ministry has not been easy; it has been attacked multiple times and has experienced setbacks because we listened to people and not to God.

But He has been so faithful. In ways that our lack faith could not predict. In ways our nearsightedness could not foresee.

God's will is a beautiful thing. Amen.

Infinite Challenge

Here's a bit of Korean culture for you...this clip is from the extremely popular Korean game show/comedy "Muhan Dojeon" ("Infinite Challenge" in English) featuring my favorite soccer player, Thierry Henry.

"Infinite Challenge has been reported as the first "Real-Variety" show in Korean television history. The program is largely unscripted, and takes a similar form to challenge based Reality Television programs familiar in the West, but the challenges are often silly, absurd, or impossible to achieve, so that the program takes on the aspect of a satirical comedy variety show, rather than a more standard reality or contest program. To do that, as the 6 hosts and their staff continuously proclaim, the elements of this show are the 3-Ds(Dirty, Dangerous, Difficult), which is the greatest on Korean television program." - Wikipedia

Good day to all of you readers out there

It’s hot. Like reeeally hot. Its days like this where I do believe that in fact global warming is a true phenomenon. Either that or some spaceman turned up the sun, in which case he should turn it back down again.

Air-conditioning in Korea (or “Air-con” as they like to call it) is…haphazard. Most places have it, but its like no one explained to these people how to use it. First thing in the morning in our classroom, my co-teacher throws open the windows, throws open the doors, and turns on the AC full blast, as the words of my father echo through my head:

“You’re air-conditioning the outside!!!”

And its not just her…everyone here runs the AC with at least one window/door open. I think it might have something to do with their fear of dust. Also, fan death might be related to this phenomenon. What is fan death, you ask? Well, let me enlighten you…

Before I tell you about fan death, I must warn you that this theory has been accepted by almost all Koreans without hesitation, including medical doctors and physicists alike. It has never been questioned by popular media, and in fact every fan made and/or sold in Korea bears a warning label.

Koreans believe that if you fall asleep with a fan on in a closed room, there is a great possibility that you will, in fact, die in your sleep. Why? My first guesses were along the lines of perhaps an accidental electrical fire due to faulty engineering, maybe spontaneous fan combustion, who knows.

I have heard many reasons why Koreans believe this, and all of them are, in fact, silly. Here are some reasons (as confirmed by Wikipedia):

1. That an electric fan creates a vortex, which sucks the oxygen from the enclosed and sealed room and creates a partial vacuum inside.

2. That an electric fan chops up all the oxygen particles in the air leaving none to breathe.

3. The fan uses up the oxygen in the room and creates fatal levels of carbon dioxide.

4. That if the fan is put directly in front of the face of the sleeping person, it will suck all the air away, preventing one from breathing.

5. That fans contribute to hypothermia, or abnormally low body temperature. As the metabolism slows down at night, one becomes more sensitive to temperature, and thus supposedly more prone to hypothermia. If the fan is left on all night in a sealed and enclosed room, believers in fan death suppose that it will lower the temperature of the room to the point that it can cause hypothermia.

Modern science including the laws of physics and pure common sense will tell you that any Joe Dirt out there could figure out that the mere notion fan death is utterly ridiculous. As it turns out, most fan-death cases can be explained by other medical conditions. But I’d like to see you try to convince a Korean of that.

Remember: for 99% of all Koreans, fan death is real. So the next time you switch off the light with the fan running, think about the consequences. Or just check to make sure your fan wasn’t made in Korea.

Birthday Photo Shoot

~Happy 25th, 23rd, and 24th Birthday!~

This post is dedicated to Hilary, who is incessantly bothering me about updating my blog. So I thought I'd honor her request by promptly posting the pictures I stole from her Facebook album before she gets the chance to. Here's to you, Hi Lary!! <3 <3 <3!!!

On Wednesday during Bible Study, us birthday girls (Jess Crew, Hil and I) decided to have a birthday photo shoot after study had finished. Once we got going, we started having so much fun that it was hard to stop! We were definitely rolling on the floor laughing for most of the shoot. So, without further ado, here are some of the more notable shots!

~Emotion: Hunger? Rage? Nostril flaring?~

~Plotting world domination~

~Gangstas~

~I keep spare change in my collarbone~

~We're so giggly!~

~I love how we're never exactly on the same page...eclectic~

~Something hilarious happened...I think I told a joke about Canada~

~Birthday girls - Saranghae - Korean love~

Happy Canada Day, eh!

This year, a lot of my friends happen to be Canadians (who'duh thunk??) and today they're all celebrating this thing called "Canada Day" which is apparently a holiday marking a significant event in Canadian history. Perhaps independence, perhaps the invention of maple syrup, perhaps the creation of their national ice hockey league - the world may never know. All I know is that it's pretty brazen to stamp your country's name on a day of the year and claim it as your own. Pish posh. We don't call July 4th "America Day".

Oh the art of satire. You hosers know I love yah, eh! Now somebody get me a brusky...

This week marks a "Perfect Storm" of sorts here in Korea: in one week's time, we have Canada Day (July 1), Hilary's birthday (July 1), Jess Crew's birthday (July 2), my birthday (July 2), and AMERICA DAY (July 4). Ordinarily, any one of these events would cause a celebration including but not limited to noraebanging (karaoke), dance parties, youtube karaoke, fireworks, cake, minigolf, bowling, etc. But we have a PENTA-BIRTHDAY, and I have a feeling things are gonna get outta control - fast.

So we're all going up to Jen and Cory's place in Ilsan for a BBQ on Saturday. Phe-NOM- enal.

I can't wait to sing "Alone" by Heart again. I think it was the song I was born to sing.

Next topic - I don't want to jinx things...but I may have my tentative post-Korea vacation and home arrival date scheduled. Drumroll, please:

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D--D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D

August 26 - Leaving Korea (Annyoung suckas!!), traveling to Auckland

3 weeks in New Zealand (everywhere)

1 week in Australia (either based in Sydney or Melbourne, not sure yet)

2 weeks in Indonesia/Bali/Lombok/Gili Air
October 13 - Arriving in Chicago, jetlagged outta my mind

Now this is all dependent on whether the company who employs me (the Korean government) can successfully manage to do what they said they'd do. Korea excels in many things, but organization and/or efficiency are not two of them. My mind is boggled every 34 seconds. I'm pretty sure the IRS works more smoothly than the Seoul Metropolitan Office of Education. There are some things I will miss about Korea; there are some things I DEFINITELY won't.

After all, this is coming from the girl who alphabetizes assembly line ingredients for omelet parties and calculates weekly pancake-per-hour consumption rates in order to maximize ease of service and minimize waste. And that's just BREAKFAST.

So, God-willing, those are my travel plans. I'll be traveling with Trev and Rach, so I know I'll be in good company.

Better get to bed soon - I have an open classroom lesson tomorrow - fun way to celebrate turning 23, eh? Wah waaaaaaaaaah.

Love you - miss you - thinking of you - praying for you.

Okay okay!!!!

Just received my third email threatening me with bodily harm if I don't update my blog, so I guess its about time!

I haven't blogged in so long because of a myriad of things...being just generally exhausted (I like to call it being "Seoul-Sick"), stressed because of ridiculousness at school, and really just at a loss as to what to blog about I guess. You know, my life is way more interesting to you than it is to me! I've really been in a funk of missing people lately, too. I've always been bad about telling people that I miss them...so if I haven't told you, it doesn't mean I don't miss you! I really miss you I promise!!

Ever since June hit, I've started to look forward to going home more and more. Life here is about endurance, and I feel like I've hit the wall. My body has started rebelling against the stress, and some days I feel like I have to go completely numb to deal with everything. I don't like reverting to that place of numbness. It takes me back to a time in my life when I had to hide from everything...and that's the same feeling I have here a lot. I'm tempted to just curl up into a ball and wait out the storm.

Here's something I'm learning: Sometimes I hear people sharing what's going on in their lives, and its really tough for them, but after they finish sharing, they'll slap on that pained smile and throw a "But I know God is in control" into the mix to round things out. This has really started to get to me here.

Sometimes, life sucks. Legitimately, it sucks. And sometimes, we can't see out of it, we can't see the light, we know in our head that there is hope but it is not tangible; we know we should trust God more, but the fact that we've already doubted His will for our lives only throws us into a guilt-ridden depression. And suddenly, the suffering I'm experiencing is my fault, my doing, my problem for letting myself not rely on God's truth. How can I be this stupid?

I know the Truth. I know God has a plan. But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes, life sucks. And its okay to admit that. It shows vulnerability to admit to others that you don't have things taken care of, that for once in your life your ducks aren't all in a nice row. I've got problems. We all do. And sometimes, I'm not okay. Sometimes I feel like a failure in my relationship with the Lord. A lot of times I feel like the suffering I experience in my own life is my fault because of my failure to live up to the spiritual standard I set before myself. And almost all of the time I wonder why He still comes after me.

But He always does. And though I may doubt, though I may feel a certain way, none of that can change the reality of His mercy, compassion and faithfulness. My lack of faith cannot destroy God or His love for me.

"Answer: Merciless, Insatiable, Awe-Inspiring"

"What is: 3 adjectives to describe Jessica on the Putt-Putt course, Alex."

So in lieu of our normal Bible Study on Wednesday night, we decided to spend some quality time on the course playing a round of friendly mini-golf. Little did they know that I've spent every summer for the last 6 years honing my skills at Putt-Putt Golf N' Games back in my old 'hood.

Ahh...Putt-Putt Golf N' Games...let's hearken back. There was nary a more rundown miniature golf course in the entire city; situated between an Arby's and perhaps some kind of auto repair shop, the greens hadn't been green in years, the paint was chipping off of all the "realistic-looking" animal statues that were there to intimidate novice golfers, and inevitably the holes were always full of stagnant water even if it had been weeks since the last rain.

**I must note that in recent years the course has undergone a dramatic renovation and now has a fresh coat of paint, new equipment, and la-creme-de-la-creme, a 15-foot propane volcano that fires every 10 minutes and scares the crap out of everyone trying to putt within a quarter-mile radius or so.

So my story is a Cinderella story of sorts...I spent countless hours with high school friends (and especially Nicole and Jarod) practicing my short game and afterwards going inside to the arcade and playing the big rig game (who doesn't love drivin' truck??) and the wordsearch game...yes...the wordsearch game...did I mention that I'm a nerd? Just in case you didn't know...

So when we went to play Putt-Putt this week, I felt pretty confident. Actually our whole team felt confident. This picture can prove it:

~Team ANNIHILATION~

All in all we had a really fun time - we climbed the animal statues, sword-fought with the putters, danced, sang, and actually managed to play a little golf too. I shot a 43, which was 7 over Pro Par, and 2 under Amateur Par. So that puts me somewhere between a pro and an amateur...Hil and I tied for first, and Jess C. came in a close second at 44. That was enough to give Team ANNIHILATION the gold medal for the evening.

Sometimes, I wish I was good at something more important, meaningful or valuable than miniature golf. Like bowling.

But I suppose, you take what God gives you.

Medical Adventures Pt. 87

I had another visit to the doctor last week. I know it probably seems like I'm under medical supervision quite frequently, but you know if I would just get a clue and stop texting when walking down stairs and eating cheese, I could probably save myself some money.

So this time, I went off the deep end and decided to visit an Oriental Medicine doctor. Every time someone at my school gets sick they go to the Oriental Medicine doctor and get miraculously healed, so I was curious. Korean people are quite robust, and robust-ness is something I could use a bit of, so I headed to the Oriental Medicine doctor to see if he could prescribe me something to fix that.

Actually, a few years ago I snapped my neck around on a rollercoaster (Hi Nicole! Please blame your husband.) and ever since my head has felt annoyingly heavier, so much so that my neck sometimes has trouble holding it up. Some might suppose that emptying some of the useless facts out of my head (my nickname is "Wiki" or "Jess-o-pedia") might make my head lighter, but I'm afraid I might need all this extraneous knowledge someday when playing Trivial Pursuit.

So off I went to visit the only Western-certified Oriental Medicine doctor in all of Korea - and guess what - he's not even from the Orient!! He's Austrian. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger. After talking with him, he wanted to run a gamut of tests, and seeing as my afternoon was free and Korean medical tests are ridiculously cheap, I obliged.

The first thing I was subject to was an MRI. Now, this MRI was not covered by insurance, but you couldn't find a cheaper MRI test on Ebay. For those of you who haven't had one, basically you lay on a bed that slides into this big machine that uses radiation to get pictures of your internal-ness.

Usually people's biggest concern with having an MRI is the fact that the space you have to inhabit inside the machine is ridiculously small and coffin-like. I, on the other hand, am claustrophillic, the opposite of claustrophobic. I loves me some small spaces. I grew up sleeping under the covers and I hope to someday drive an ultra-compact car. To me, being buried alive actually seems like a nice way to spend the afternoon.

No, my particular concern regarding the MRI was given to me by the attendant-man just as he was about to slide me into the machine.

"Two important things for test," he said. "Number one - be still. Number two - only swallow when I tell you to."

Wait...I thought swallowing was a reflex. Like blinking. Don't swallow? That's like telling someone not to think of a pink zebra or their brain will explode.

Kablam.

"Well, what if there's an emergency???" I asked. He laughed and buckled me in. Glad this was funny for him.

Meanwhile I'm strategizing just how exactly I'm going to pull this off. He said there will be eight 2-minute episodes where I'm not allowed to swallow.

I thought about everything good in the world to keep me from swallowing. I thought about lying on the beach with a cold drink and a book before I reminded myself that I don't read and that fantasy was entirely implausible. I then began to panic, because I felt my throat muscles poise themselves for action and I knew the swallowing could only be stopped by my amazing powers of distraction. I ran through happy memories, relived past moments of laughter and contentment, and when things got really bad, I thought of my future children.

I am not trying to be dramatic; all of this actually happened in my busted-up head. I am indeed strange-r than I had previously deduced.

So after the MRI, the doctor decided to twist my limbs around (he called it "manipulation"; I called it "awkward") in an effort to contort my body back to its natural state. Some things popped, so apparently he was successful.

And then, the creme-de-la-creme, was the acupuncture. The acupuncture actually cost about $5. He would ask me (at points, seemingly ridiculous) medical questions and if I said yes, he would stick a tiny needle in some part of my body. TMJ? Two needles in your jaw. Digestive problems? Needles in the foot. Headaches? Two needles in the hands. When he put the needles in my hands, I told him that he had missed, and that my head was up here.

So after laying around for about 15 minutes, needles sticking out of me, looking like Frankenstein, the nurse came in and took the needles out and told me I could go. I started to put my jacket on when I felt a shooting pain in my shoulder. I looked down and saw two needles sticking out of my trapezius. I push the call button.

"Yes?" she says, rounding the corner. I point. She gasps. I smile. She apologizes. I smile. She takes them out. I continue smiling. She goes away.

I go to zip up my coat and feel another stabbing pain in my chest. I look down and see a needle fully jabbed into my sternum. I push the call button.

"Yes?" she says. I point. She gasps. Etc.

So between being zapped with radiation, twisted into a pretzel, and stabbed repeatedly, I actually feel a lot better. And to think I had reservations.

Teacher's Day

-Rethinking the name of my blog...-

Today here in Korea it was Teacher's Day. Teacher's Day is the holiday where parents usually send extravagant gifts strapped to their tiny child's back to school in order to curry favor with their teachers. It probably started out as a nice way for people to appreciate teachers, and then as Korea grew in economic stature it became more and more of a competition amongst parents as to who could give the most money/biggest gift/largest bouquet of flowers.

I heard a story from my friend Michelle (who works in a private tutoring academy) about how parents were expected to contribute roughly $300 per student in order to get the teachers adequate gifts...thankfully the director of the academy refused to allow this, but in a surprisingly bold move decided that teachers at the academy would not be allowed to accept any gift of any kind on Teacher's Day. Not even so much as a lollipop. Poor poor Michelle.

I didn't expect much at my school, because first of all I'm just a subject teacher (and Teacher's Day is more about honoring and appreciating homeroom teachers), and second of all, most of my kids come from not-so-well-off families, and a lot come from single-parent families. So when I didn't get anything first period, second period, third period, fourth period...it didn't come as much of a surprise.

I was a little disappointed though...my co-teacher got tons of handmade cards (most with a PS at the bottom that said in Korean "Tell Jessica Teacher I'm sorry that I can't write in English"). Heck - I would've loved even having cards written in Korean, but I guess it wasn't in the cards (PUN!!).

I kind of half complained to my co-teacher about the students blatant neglect to appreciate the services I provide to them...and that's when I got my butt kicked. I think God likes to do this to me.

About 10 minutes before my low-level after school class started, a sixth-grade student (Han-su), whom I rarely interact one-on-one with, came into my classroom and gave me a simply yet nicely-wrapped chocolate bar.

-Han-su's gift-

And then my cute-as-all-else 3rd grade boys started to file in for class, and Kevin handed me a beautifully-wrapped package with a hand-written note on the front:

-Kevin's gift-

-Tag: "Seonsaengnim (Teacher), Kamsa Hamnida (Thank you)"-

It was soap! I never quite know what to think getting soap as a gift. Simple gesture...or subtle hint? But it was lovely. And so is Kevin!

-Handmade soap from Kevin-

Then Mark skipped in holding a wrapped package for me and delightfully shouted "Happy Teacher's Day Jessica Teacher!!".

-Wrapping paper on Mark's present...surprisingly grammatically accurate!-

No more had I taken hold of it when he exclaimed "It's CANDY!". So much for the surprise...he just couldn't contain himself! :)

-Coffee candy from Mark-

And THEN to top it all off, Tiny Tony bounces in with a bouquet of carnations and wildflowers, hands them to me, and says in his little munchkin voice "Teacher - thith ith for you!" So precious.

-Tony's gift - carnations!-

This is something I'm learning:

My thought process usually goes like this: I've worked for it - I deserve it, right? But then I don't get it...and don't get it...and don't get it. And then at my breaking point I whine and complain about the fact that I've worked hard and I should get what I want. And God reminds me that the reason I work is NOT for the rewards of this world, not for gifts, not for admiration, not for money, not even for love...and just as I come to accept that, He gives me Tiny Tony with a bouquet of flowers he had to carry around all day to wait until English class at 2:00 just so he could give them to me.

And its in the moments I'm least deserving of anything good, its in those moments I feel His blessings and love, stronger than in the happy moments, in the comfortable moments. I'm almost getting used to feeling like a fool.

Maybe baby's growing up.

I'll leave you with this Matthew Henry quote I happened upon this week:

"We need affliction, to teach us submission."

Prayers,

Jess

PS. Today for lunch, we had mystery-meat nuggets. I can access the lunch menu on my school's website, so I usually try to look up the Korean words and figure out what I'm about to eat before I walk into that arena of the unknown. My first attempt in the online Korean dictionary gave me "earthborn". The second dictionary gave me "nuclear power plant" and "allosaurus" amongst a wide array of other responses. So...I'm still not quite sure what I ate...perhaps organic radioactive dinosaur nuggets...