Ajummacity

I want to begin by stating that I respect my elders. I love my grandparents. They take me cool places, cook me tasty food, they read me books when I was little, they gave me eggo waffles for breakfast, they played Trouble and Yatzee with me for hours on end, I could go on and on. They're good people. Nice people (when you don't make them mad). Friendly people.

But can I just ask - WHERE HAVE ALL THE FRIENDLY OLD PEOPLE GONE???

In Korea, there is no such thing as a "nice older lady", someone who bakes you cookies or pumpkin bread and makes you hot cocoa. Nope. They simply don't exist here. There are possibly a few exceptions, but not enough to keep me from making sweeping generalizations for the rest of this post.

In Korea, there are: The Ajummas. They are the antithesis of the old lady in the teddy bear sweater vest at the library who helps you find...whatever people look for in libraries...I don't read. Except for the Bible. And people's Facebook profiles.

Ajummas are always armed with two deadly weapons: their left and right elbows. God forbid you ever cross paths with an ajumma in a hurry to get on the subway. It doesn't matter if you're trying to get off first, prepare to be at least clotheslined if not severely disabled by your ajumma opponent. Old ladies here appear to only strengthen with age, as I have personally witnessed an ajumma beating the crap out of a man appearing several years her junior. His cries for mercy simply washed over her grisled and hardened face.

Sometimes ajummas here just shout on the subway for no reason. Their bowed legs cause them to hunch forward just slightly, they squint their eyes and start screaming and feverishly pointing at anyone and everyone, as though the whole of Korea has done this lady some injustice. All I can tell you is that its terrifying.

And the ajumma clothes...you'll want to make sure and wear 3 or 4 not only differing but competing patterns to attract as much attention as possible. Bright colors are a must, and the more, the merrier. Polyester is quintessential. And top it all off with a knock-off Burberry handbag to complete the ensemble. Add an ajumma visor, and you're well on your way.

I found this on some dude's blog...it explains Ajumosis fairly well:
"Ajumma is a state of mind. When women cut their hair and curl it and start pushing and shoving a lot like a wild beast on the subway ... they are an ajumma. When a woman starts wearing a visor of a color and size that would give Darth Vader helmet envy ... they are an ajumma. When a woman gets together with her friends and talks so loud that the decibel level of their conversation rivals that of an above-ground nuclear test ... they are an ajumma."

I hope to get a picture soon. You can google "ajumma" for now.

But when you think over Korea's difficult history, about how until about 30 years ago, this was a third world country, the ajumma begins to make more sense. She comes from an era where you had to be aggressive if you were going to survive. She will work hard to ensure that her children are fed. She will not easily back down in the face of adversity. In fact, she scares the crap out of adversity.

She's been through a lot. She's been through a horrific war. She's seen her country devastated physically, economically and politically. She's given everything to her family to make a future for her children. And she's survived.